I finally shared my pattern for my Daffodil on Ravelry and I admit I was nervous. It’s my first time sharing a pattern of my own design, especially to such a large audience, and I’ve found that often many people can’t follow my thought process.
When I think I tend to jump around. I go from topic A to E to B and finally what comes out of my mouth is topic T. Confusing, yes, but the whole thing only takes seconds. A friend of mine is the same way and lets just say conversations are… interesting. They literally start mid topic, mid sentence; thankfully we speak the same language so to speak.
You would think that after publishing two books, several fanficitons, and having my first written work published in a school journal in middle school I’d be use to sharing my work.
I still get nervous every time.
Even posting on this site makes me nervous sometimes!
It honestly gets so bad at times that I cringe when I see someone left a comment. I often have to force myself to read the review or comment. It honestly doesn’t matter what I’m sharing or how confident I am in the work.
I’m an intensely private person by nature. While few things embarrass me I believe that most things are just not your business.
Yes, I realize that I’m totally in the wrong line of work. It’s difficult for someone whose natural reaction is to keep their own council to share things with others. Do not be confused, no one who knows me would say I have low self esteem. My step-dad would insist that I have an over inflated view of self.
It’s not even that I dread those reviews you get that are nothing but hate. Flames just have me shaking my head asking what the hell is wrong with the person. Mindless praise is more likely to tick me off than a flame is. I have no more desire for yes men than I do for hatred.
I adore, however, constructive criticism.
I work best in an environment that offers opinions and well thought out suggestions. Not that I will necessarily take the suggestions.
In the end that’s why I force myself to share. I want to grow in whatever manner I’m sharing. When someone offers observation A my mind gets jump started and the next thing I know I’m on option L and off and running.
In the end sometimes you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone in order to grow the way you want to.